Chrisney's Chaotic Children
by I'll Cover Angel and Collins
Summary: Chris is trying to host his show and all poor Courtney wants to do is pass her history test! How are they going to be able to do that when 5 of their kids got expelled and one of them wants to be a Pokémon master? Will their marriage survive?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

* * *

Courtney was really hating her married life right now. This wasn't at all what Courtney imagined her life being married to Chris and having 6 kids. She loved the marriage that took place two weeks ago on the Total Drama plane but then when Heather and Alejandro were making out in the cock pit they crashed the plane and everyone was so lucky that the plane just happened to land in the lake that was at camp. So, now everyone from season's 1-4 were all doing a 'do-over' game that Courtney was not able to compete in since she's been busy studying for her History test next week by the playa pool where she was residing so that she could still get some peace and quiet and now her day was ruined when she got a phone call that all 6 of her children were kicked out of their private school for an array of things and Chris wasn't going to be happy because that would mean that they would all be staying on the island because the last time they left them at their beach house in Hawaii they had a wild beach party with a bonfire and it was windy and the fire hit the beach house and the fire department had a hard time driving on the sand and then they ended up fining Courtney $2,000 but that was like a quarter to her since she married Chris and became a millionaire.

Courtney sighed and threw her history book in the pool, with the kids coming to the island there was no way in hell that Courtney was going to pass the test. Chris wasn't going to be happy about this either. He hated 4 of his 6 kids anyway and Courtney just hated that Chris banned using condoms, getting her in this mess in the first place. When Courtney finally found Chris he was busy trying to explain to Lindsay that she had to do the challenge and was also trying to explain to Lightning that Duncan, even though he was wearing eyeliner and had earrings in that he did in fact have a penis, that's when Mike who was now Mal offered to show Duncan the way to the cock pit. Zoey was oblivious to the whole thing and Harold for once in his life appropriately called someone an idiot.

"Hey Chris, you need to come back to the playa with me now." Courtney sighed. "I know you're doing this challenge thing, but everyone in this conversation is an idiot and they'll never understand what's going on anyway so I think you and I should go back to the playa and have a little chat and let Chef deal with these people."

"If you want to have sex with me you could just ask." Chris smirked. "I don't like all those big words you use."

"None of those were big words." Courtney shook her head. "My day is already going shitty and I don't need to deal with your stupidity."

"Did you pass the history test?" Chris asked her.

"Send Tyler to fish it out of the pool later." Courtney glanced over at Tyler. "Get the book out of the pool by the end of the day!"

"Okay, fine." Chris groaned. "Chef, I'm going to go see what my 18 year old, annoying, obnoxious, underage wife wants! You watch the rest of the cast."

* * *

Courtney took Chris to their bedroom in the playa and took a few deep breaths. Chris looked bored and was playing a game on his phone for a few minutes before looking at Courtney.

"This is serious." Courtney told him. "I got a call today and the kids are coming home to the island."

"Oh god..." Chris groaned. "Why? I thought the whole point of sending them to a private boarding school all year meant that we would never even have to see them."

"They got expelled." Courtney sighed. "I'm not happy about this! Chris, you better think of something to do with them."

"Let them hang out here and Chef can home school them?" Chris suggested. "I don't know! I hate them all except two and I like three of them on a good day. So, are they coming here on the private jet?"

"Yes, then they're going to tell you why they got expelled." Courtney told him. "If I have to deal with this crap then so do you! That's what you get for not believing in condoms!"

"Let's just get this over with." Chris sighed. "Does this mean that I have to wear pants around the house now?"

"No." Courtney laughed. "You just need to keep your boxers on and not get erections when you watch TV."

"Stupid kids." Chris crossed his arms.

* * *

When the plane finally landed Chris and Courtney were both waiting and they both looked pissed off. Courtney and Chris were right by the door when the pilot opened it and out walked the kids walked out starting with Aaran.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Aaran asked.

"Explain to me how you managed to get expelled!" Chris yelled. "If you think that you're just going to hang out and play video games all day or something you've got another thing coming!"

"You guys screw all day anyway." Aaran laughed. "You wouldn't notice what I did or didn't do. I'm going to use the computer."

"You get back here!" Courtney yelled. "I didn't get a chance to yell!"

"You know he's not coming back, right?" Chris asked her.

"Ha! Serena's here! I'm yelling at this one!" Courtney glared. "Serena! How did you manage to set a fire to the swimming pool at school?!"

"That's what she did?" Chris high fived her. "That's really cool!"

"No, it's not." Courtney glared. "It's not responsible."

"How was I supposed to know that Chlorine can be flammable?" Serena shrugged. "Oh yeah, that happened 3 weeks ago, it's not like it's the most recent thing that happened. The school just got sick of us."

"You're totally on kitchen duty." Courtney glared at Serena.

"I don't think that's fair!" Chris complained. "She's one of them that I actually like! She's hot!"

"She's 16 and she's your daughter." Courtney glared at Chris.

"So? you're like 18 now or something." Chris shrugged. "I'm bad at Math."

"Fine, then Fiachra is doing kitchen duty." Courtney insisted. "I don't even care what he did, I'm too busy to care so make him work in the damn kitchen!"

"Really? That's what you want him to do?" Chris asked. "That's really unfair to have him do something for no reason."

"I don't care." Courtney crossed her arms as Fiachra got off the plane. "You! Fiachra, get your ass over here! You're doing kitchen duty!"

"Why?" Fiachra asked Courtney. "You never give me a chance to explain anything! This is why I always go on fanfiction and write fics about you and Gwen."

"I thought I banned you from going on that site!" Courtney yelled. "You know I hate when you use your imagination! Why the hell did you get kicked out of school anyway?!"

"I really wanted to compete on the show?" Fiachra shrugged. "You're not in school so why should I be? I was going to quit anyway, this just saved me the trouble of telling you over the phone"

"I hate him, Chris." Courtney glared at him.

"Which one do I like again?" Chris asked. "Why did you name Fiachra that name anyway?"

"I didn't, Chef did because you weren't there." Courtney glared. "Remember? You were too busy playing words with friends on facebook to show up!"

"Yeah? Well which one of you morons named me Komo?" Komo walked off the plane and rolled her eyes. "I think I got the shittiest end of the stick with the name game! Were you drunk when you gave birth to me?"

"Just heavily sedated." Courtney awkwardly laughed. "When you were born we were in Japan 2 weeks ago and it was a tough choice if I wanted to keep you or leave you in an Orphanage and then I gave you to this nice woman who named you and I just rolled with it."

"Gee thanks Mom." Komo glared. "I'm going to the lake to push someone in."

"You can't do that." Chris glared. "You're better then that! You should be in the playa!"

"Nah." Komo laughed. "See ya, douchebags."

"I hate that one." Chris glared as Komo walked away. "We should have left that one in Japan or fed it to Zeke."

"Hey." Torie walked off the plane. "I'll be inside not talking to you guys."

"Here." Courtney handed Torie a net. "Get my history book out of the pool?"

"No." Torie dropped the net on the ground.

"You have to do this! Because you got kicked out of school and there needs to be some kind of lesson!" Courtney yelled.

"Oh! I know a great lesson!" Serena laughed. "Don't get knocked up so many times. I'm going to grab a boat and go to the cabins."

"I'm in." Torie smirked as the two girls walked off away from Courtney's cursing.

"Well that's two kids gone and two less that I need to deal with." Chris shrugged. "That means I'm going to be playing cards with Chef while Lightning and Lindsay hopefully by now understand the challenge."

"Wait...Isn't there one more?" Courtney sighed. "Trent?"

"No, Trent is not my kid." Chris glared at Courtney. "I'm not that stupid, I think I would know if he was my fucking kid."

"No, I think one is named Trent." Courtney told Chris.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about that one..." Chris glared at her. "Why did you name him Trent? Did you sleep with Trent? Is that why you named the kid after him?"

"No, I don't think so..." Courtney thought for a second. "I was with Duncan like a month ago or in All-Stars, Maybe it him? Or what about Scott? That could have been it."

"YOU!" Chris yelled as Trent walked off the plane playing with a Nintendo 3DS. "What the hell took you so long to get off that damn plane and where the hell is your luggage?!"

"On the plane." Trent shrugged. "Oh, I didn't do anything wrong either. I was cleaning up Serena's mess and she let me take the fall for it, so you actually have one kid that didn't get kicked out of school. I just quit and to make life easier you can just call me Green because that's my nickname. You would know that if you looked in my high school year book."

"Okay, I guess Green would make your father much happier." Courtney smiled.

"Don't worry about me." Green shook his head. "I'm 17 years old now and you should understand that I'm almost as old as Mom and I need to start my journey to be a Pokémon master. Most people start when they're 10 and I'm 7 years behind everyone else."

"Can I see your game?" Chris asked Green. "That sounds like something I would love to see."

"Sure!" Green happily handed his father the game. "Does this mean you approve of my journey?"

"Hahahahahaha...NO!" Chris laughed and threw the game on the ground.

"Is that all of them?" Courtney asked. "If it is, I'm going to go make an intern get my book since Torie isn't doing anything."

"What am I supposed to do with these kids then?" Chris asked.

"Take the Pokémon master with you?" Courtney suggested.

"Wait...is that the fire starter?" Chris asked. "I want the fire starter."

"No, you get the Pokémon trainer and the Fiachra." Courtney told him. "Take them to play cards with you and Chef."

"This is going to be a long day." Chris sighed as Courtney walked away to go study for her history test.

* * *

**This is the best story ever and I'm having an amazing time writing it. Looks like the honeymoon is over and the kids are back from school and now what's going to happen? Total Chaos that's what. I HAD to write these characters, they don't have nearly enough screen time or fics about them. Last time we heard about Serena was the aftermath show in season two...anyway, is Trent Green's father and will he ever be the best like no one ever was? Will Courtney pass her history test? Will Chris ever get condoms? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

* * *

Chef had to cancel the card game with Chris because he didn't feed them in 2 days and a very hungry Owen threatened to sue. Who would have thought that someone as dumb as Owen would know how to sue? So, since the kids all came to the island that stressed Chris out and he wanted to drown them in the lake and so he cancelled the challenge for the day, which made everyone happy except Courtney because Duncan kept texting Courtney flirty faces but Chris didn't know because it wasn't written in this scene but we all know it happens...

So, Chris was bored and he decided he was going to do a cabin search to see if Geoff was still smoking pot and selling it because he wasn't allowed to do that anymore because parents complained. Geoff was a 4/20 person every day and Chris was hoping that he would still be selling it so he could steal it from Geoff and smoke it himself. However when he opened the door he found Serena and Torie in the cabin sitting on the floor watching a bunk bed catch on fire. Chris seemed more concerned then the girls did and Harold was calling them idiots.

"What the fuck?!" Chris yelled at Serena and Torie. "Why?"

"Your kids are idiots." Harold confirmed.

"You're the idiot, why are you standing here watching?" Chris glared. "Seriously, whose idea was it to set this fire and why?"

"It was Serena's." Torie shrugged.

"We hate Justin." Serena added in. "So, we burned his bed."

"So, now he'll have to sleep with Owen." Serena laughed. "Best day ever!"

"Yeah!" Torie added in. "I'm going to go meet Scott by the lake, have fun putting the fire out!"

"Dad, can we stay and watch the fire burn all of Justin's most valuable possessions?" Serena asked with hope.

"No, we can't." Chris glared. "Why don't you go help your Mother study for her history test? You're smarter then her and she was a C.U.N.T. or a C.I.T. or something like that and she learned how to do everything while she was one before she got fired and she can make a fire so I'm sure she can put one out if you make one near her."

"But...But...What about this fire?" Serena pointed to the fire that was now spreading to other beds and the floor.

"Ignore it." Chris dragged Serena out leaving Harold standing in the burning building. "If you ignore things they go away. I bet when we come back the fire will be all gone."

"Or the forest will be up in flames." Serena added in. "That can also happen."

"No, it can't." Chris told her. "If you ignore fires they just stop. I'm older so I know what I'm talking about."

"Whatever." Serena sighed. "Do I really have to help her study for a test?"

"Yes. Because I don't want you to start more fires." Chris told her.

"But if they just go away then why can't I light as many more as I want?" Serena asked.

"GO!" Chris yelled. Serena sighed and walked over to the bathrooms and ignoring Chris's orders.

* * *

Fiachra was in the kitchen listening to some metal music and watching Chef cook food, he was supposed to be cleaning the kitchen as his bitch of a mother had asked him too but he didn't care and he didn't think that horrible woman would even bother coming to check on him especially when she has a history test to be studying for. She never even paid attention to them anyway, the last time they spent time together was when he was 3 years old just 2 months ago on the plane.

"Hey Chef." Fiachra smiled at the cook. "What are you making?"

"What the hell you doin' in here, boy?" Chef glared at him.

"I was cleaning, but now I'd rather watch you cook." Fiachra smiled. "Do you know who I am? Chris's son, it's been a long time since we've spoken."

"Uh-huh. So what the hell do you want?" Chef glared. "I'm really busy making food for these asshole campers."

"Do you want to hang out later?" Fiachra asked. "I'm a fan of meat balls..."

"I..I...Uh...I have to go and unload a food truck that's stopping over at the playa, how about you stir this pot until I get back?" Chef suggested.

"Sure." Fiachra winked. "I'll be here waiting for you..."

Chef quickly left the kitchen, he really needed to talk to Chris about his son.

* * *

Aaran was walking in the hallways of the playa looking for a computer when he found the playa had a library and when he walked in he found Noah using the computer. Aaran was so pissed that Noah was on the computer when he wanted to use it.

"Shouldn't you be competing on the show?" Aaran walked up to Noah. "I thought contestants weren't allowed to use the computer."

"It's down time." Noah glared. "I can do whatever I want."

"Well I want to use the computer!" Aaran told him. "If you don't let me have it then I'm telling my Mom."

"Oh, I'm soooo scared." Noah rolled his eyes. "Are you a new contestant or something like that?"

"Moooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" Aaran yelled. "That asshole won't let me online!"

Noah smirked at Aaran and continued to check his facebook page while all of a sudden he heard heavy footsteps storming down the hallway, within minutes Courtney stomped in and shoved Noah.

"Hey! You see this brat?!" Courtney grabbed Noah by the shirt. "He's my son and if he wants to get online then you need to get off! **NOW!**"

Noah was escorted out of the library by Courtney and Aaran laughed the whole time as he watched Noah get dragged out.

* * *

Torie was sitting on the docks with Scott. It was a nice and peaceful day, perfect time for relaxing by the lake.

"I'm really glad you invited me." Torie smiled.

"Yeah, uh-huh...So, are you in the will?" Scott held Torie's hand.

"Excuse me?" Torie asked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"If Chris and Courtney died and I was married to you, how much would I get?" Scott asked. "Like, I'm just being up front. If I could get into the family I would really like that!"

"Asshole!" Komo ran out from a bush and pushed Scott in the lake. Torie laughed. "I've been waiting for someone to push in the lake for over an hour! What an ass, if anyone gets the family jewels it's going to be me."

"I think Courtney get's Chris's jewels..." Torie smirked. "Though when he dies you can have his jewels and I'll just take the cash."

"You're twisted." Komo laughed.

"Thanks." Torie laughed. "Look at our parents."

"Wanna go help Mom fail her history test?" Komo suggested.

"No way, I wanna see if Alejandro is single..." Torie blushed.

"You're just asking for trouble." Komo warned her. "I'll meet you back at the playa."

"Sounds good." Torie agreed as she walked off to go see what Alejandro was up too while Komo was walking back to the playa. As she was walking back to the building she saw Noah and Cody behind the outhouse making out and couldn't help but stop and look.

"Hello boys..." Komo smirked. "Dirty little secret?"

"Who the hell are you?" Noah pulled away from Cody.

"A product of a bad Chrisney romance." Komo smirked. "Listen, My Dad is dumb and my Mom's a bitch and I'm looking for fun...Maybe we can have an open relationship? The three of us?"

"I could go with that." Cody looked up and down at komo. "Sierra never needs to know though..."

"Deal." Komo smirked. "Shall we go back to the cabins?"

"Let's go." Noah grabbed Cody and Komo's hands and pulled them off to the cabin.

* * *

Meanwhile Green was standing by the pool on one side with Sam on the other side.

"I choose you! Beach ball!" Green yelled.

"Go water wings!" Sam yelled. "Water wings use deflate!"

"Beach ball don't let it get away!" Green yelled. "use water glide splash!"

"STOP YELLING I'M TRYING TO STUDY!" Courtney yelled from the window.

"Hey, you want to go play Pokémon somewhere else?" Green sighed. "She's the worst mother ever. I hope she fails her test."

"Yeah, how about the roof?" Sam suggested.

"Let's do it." Green agreed.

* * *

**There we go, Serena's got fire going on and Courtney is never going to pass the test. Chris thinks fires can put themselves out and lots of other shit. There ya'll go. whatcha think? Will ** **Fiachra get Chef's attention? **


End file.
